Why Cosette Needs to Stop Looking for the "Greener" Grass...

So... Strange title.  I know this.  But it has a point, so hang tight.

First of all, your post reminded me of why I am so glad to know you Kate.  I admire you so much.  I love that we share the same standards and can support each other when those get tried.  This is going to help us SO stinking much when we get out into the world.  I honestly don't know what I would do without you.

I think we're twins separated at birth, if I haven't told you already.  I feel like we always go through the same moods.  I thought it was just because we spent every day together in high school, but nope! It's because we're twins.  It's because even though we are at two very different colleges, we're still going over the same stinking bumps in the road. You talked about why your Saturday was crazy... I'm going to tell you why my Sunday was crazy.

   The past few weeks have felt so strange.  I haven't been feeling very "rooted" here yet, like I haven't found my place. I haven't been in any shows, so that area has been in a bit of a famine, and sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right choice.  It has been especially hard when we go over things in class that I've already learned.  It's even harder when my roommate talks about her friend who's attending an acting school in LA.  So many things, so many questions, and these past few weeks have given me so many reasons to confuse myself and wish I was somewhere else, doing something else.
   As all these questions started building up, and I started to do some research.  I started looking up other acting schools in bigger places like New York and California, success stories of other actors, and a million other things to make me think that where I am isn't good enough.
   With all of this "looking around" I had a brain-meltdown.  Sunday, I "Skyped" my mom and laid everything out.  I told her how I was feeling and how I wasn't sure if I'm where I'm supposed to be.  I told about how badly I wanted to be somewhere bigger and working on diving into the business.  Then my mom reminded me of something.  She reminded me of why I wanted so badly to come to BYU.  She reminded me of the day we visited campus last year, and how I told her that I knew this is where I was supposed to be.  She reminded me that what I'm doing now is exactly right for me, and if I keep following what I feel is right, a bunch of doors will fly open for me.
   I have a problem I'm trying to fix: Stop searching for "the grass that's greener," because the grass I'm already in is just as green.
   I know things may get tiring or frustrating, and we want to be out in the world "right now," but we need to remember that there's someone watching out for us, making where we are exactly where we need to be.  It may not be today or tomorrow, but one day you and I will find our sweet-spot in the world, but we just need to be patient while we bloom.

I love you, little missy!

Cosette

Why Saturday, November 22nd Was A Crazy Day Or: How to Survive the Real World

So… yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster. Seriously. It was a little ridiculous. I was really happy all morning, and then while I was driving home listening to Tangled, something snapped and suddenly I was crying and I didn’t even know why. Anyway, my mom and I talked it out when I got home, and I think I figured out why it happened. And it’s not because I’m crazy. Well… maybe a little bit. But there are actually some legitimate reasons, too! :)

My sophomore year of high school, I felt really out of place. I was too afraid to talk to anyone I didn’t already know because I thought I wasn’t cool enough and they wouldn’t like me. I’ve always been really shy, and it makes people think I’m stuck up or antisocial or something- even though I always try to smile at people and be nice. Then I met this awesome girl named Cosette, and we were friends, and… you know the rest!

College is pretty much like the first year of high school was for me. Most of my good friends are at different colleges, or they’re still in high school. I get along with everyone- I’m pretty easy to get along with!- but I’m not super close with anyone. I’ve made a couple of friends in college, but it’s been kind of hard. And it’s even harder knowing that you’ve adjusted so well and made so many new friends already! Well duh, everyone loves you, because you’re you, and that’s awesome. Just don’t forget your sister Kate!

Being in Macbeth has been really eye-opening for me, though. It definitely taught me how to make friends- or rather, how NOT to make friends. Our cast is great, but a lot of them were already friends before we started rehearsing the show. They are mostly in their mid- to late-twenties, they’re not religious, and they all drink and swear and such. So basically, they are the kind of people that will exist in the real world outside of Utah. Kent, Maggie, and I didn’t really fit in, and they kind of treated us like the little kids of the cast. Kent’s solution was to pick up swearing. Pretty badly. So now I guess they take him more seriously (actually, I think they just laugh at him because he sounds ridiculous). Maggie decided that she would just stay in character (as a hooker-witch) all the time, act skanky, and flirt with the older guys. Everyone loves her and tells her how awesome and gorgeous she is all the time. No one even notices me. Sometimes I feel kind of sad… BUT. I haven’t compromised my values for this show. That is a victory. I don’t intend on compromising my values just to make people like me. Maybe I’m not best friends with everyone in the cast, but I don’t want people to be “friends” with me because I was skanky and I flirted with them. And the friends that I did make are the kind of people that I want to be around after the show ends, because they got to know me and respected my talent and work ethic. So. Don’t try to change your values to match those of your cast members. The ones that are worth getting to know will respect you for who you are. :)

Also… it seems like all of my friends have boyfriends now! Gah! I think that was also part of my freak out. I feel like I am being too picky and I should just settle for someone because no one awesome is going to actually like me back. BUT. Why go out with someone unless there is a point? And no, the point isn’t that you’re going to marry that person. The point is that going out with them makes you grow as a human being. In my opinion, the most important thing about liking someone is that they make you want to be a better person. And it should be a mutual feeling. No one I have met makes me think, “I admire/respect the way they are so kind/caring/responsible/whatever. I’m going to try to be as good of a person as them.” So. I guess I will just wait. Because I honestly don’t think I can like someone who’s not a good person- like, at their core, just an essentially GOOD human being. I don’t know. There is something wrong with me. But I think it will be worth it in the end.

So there are my epiphanies for yesterday. I just thought I would share because maybe there is a good point or two somewhere in that word vomit… haha. Just so ya know, today is going a lot better for me. My suitemate Kyrsten and I went on an awesome hike, and I think we’re going to be really good friends, so yay. And I saw Eli and Grace tonight, and they’re both going to come to the U next year, which is great because I love them. Other than that… I can’t wait to see you at Macbeth! Which opens this week! Woot!

Love you, miss you, all that jazz :)

-Kate