So… yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster. Seriously. It was a little ridiculous. I was really happy all morning, and then while I was driving home listening to Tangled, something snapped and suddenly I was crying and I didn’t even know why. Anyway, my mom and I talked it out when I got home, and I think I figured out why it happened. And it’s not because I’m crazy. Well… maybe a little bit. But there are actually some legitimate reasons, too! :)
My sophomore year of high school, I felt really out of place. I was too afraid to talk to anyone I didn’t already know because I thought I wasn’t cool enough and they wouldn’t like me. I’ve always been really shy, and it makes people think I’m stuck up or antisocial or something- even though I always try to smile at people and be nice. Then I met this awesome girl named Cosette, and we were friends, and… you know the rest!
College is pretty much like the first year of high school was for me. Most of my good friends are at different colleges, or they’re still in high school. I get along with everyone- I’m pretty easy to get along with!- but I’m not super close with anyone. I’ve made a couple of friends in college, but it’s been kind of hard. And it’s even harder knowing that you’ve adjusted so well and made so many new friends already! Well duh, everyone loves you, because you’re you, and that’s awesome. Just don’t forget your sister Kate!
Being in Macbeth has been really eye-opening for me, though. It definitely taught me how to make friends- or rather, how NOT to make friends. Our cast is great, but a lot of them were already friends before we started rehearsing the show. They are mostly in their mid- to late-twenties, they’re not religious, and they all drink and swear and such. So basically, they are the kind of people that will exist in the real world outside of Utah. Kent, Maggie, and I didn’t really fit in, and they kind of treated us like the little kids of the cast. Kent’s solution was to pick up swearing. Pretty badly. So now I guess they take him more seriously (actually, I think they just laugh at him because he sounds ridiculous). Maggie decided that she would just stay in character (as a hooker-witch) all the time, act skanky, and flirt with the older guys. Everyone loves her and tells her how awesome and gorgeous she is all the time. No one even notices me. Sometimes I feel kind of sad… BUT. I haven’t compromised my values for this show. That is a victory. I don’t intend on compromising my values just to make people like me. Maybe I’m not best friends with everyone in the cast, but I don’t want people to be “friends” with me because I was skanky and I flirted with them. And the friends that I did make are the kind of people that I want to be around after the show ends, because they got to know me and respected my talent and work ethic. So. Don’t try to change your values to match those of your cast members. The ones that are worth getting to know will respect you for who you are. :)
Also… it seems like all of my friends have boyfriends now! Gah! I think that was also part of my freak out. I feel like I am being too picky and I should just settle for someone because no one awesome is going to actually like me back. BUT. Why go out with someone unless there is a point? And no, the point isn’t that you’re going to marry that person. The point is that going out with them makes you grow as a human being. In my opinion, the most important thing about liking someone is that they make you want to be a better person. And it should be a mutual feeling. No one I have met makes me think, “I admire/respect the way they are so kind/caring/responsible/whatever. I’m going to try to be as good of a person as them.” So. I guess I will just wait. Because I honestly don’t think I can like someone who’s not a good person- like, at their core, just an essentially GOOD human being. I don’t know. There is something wrong with me. But I think it will be worth it in the end.Love you, miss you, all that jazz :)
-Kate
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