Why Cosette Needs to Stop Looking for the "Greener" Grass...

So... Strange title.  I know this.  But it has a point, so hang tight.

First of all, your post reminded me of why I am so glad to know you Kate.  I admire you so much.  I love that we share the same standards and can support each other when those get tried.  This is going to help us SO stinking much when we get out into the world.  I honestly don't know what I would do without you.

I think we're twins separated at birth, if I haven't told you already.  I feel like we always go through the same moods.  I thought it was just because we spent every day together in high school, but nope! It's because we're twins.  It's because even though we are at two very different colleges, we're still going over the same stinking bumps in the road. You talked about why your Saturday was crazy... I'm going to tell you why my Sunday was crazy.

   The past few weeks have felt so strange.  I haven't been feeling very "rooted" here yet, like I haven't found my place. I haven't been in any shows, so that area has been in a bit of a famine, and sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right choice.  It has been especially hard when we go over things in class that I've already learned.  It's even harder when my roommate talks about her friend who's attending an acting school in LA.  So many things, so many questions, and these past few weeks have given me so many reasons to confuse myself and wish I was somewhere else, doing something else.
   As all these questions started building up, and I started to do some research.  I started looking up other acting schools in bigger places like New York and California, success stories of other actors, and a million other things to make me think that where I am isn't good enough.
   With all of this "looking around" I had a brain-meltdown.  Sunday, I "Skyped" my mom and laid everything out.  I told her how I was feeling and how I wasn't sure if I'm where I'm supposed to be.  I told about how badly I wanted to be somewhere bigger and working on diving into the business.  Then my mom reminded me of something.  She reminded me of why I wanted so badly to come to BYU.  She reminded me of the day we visited campus last year, and how I told her that I knew this is where I was supposed to be.  She reminded me that what I'm doing now is exactly right for me, and if I keep following what I feel is right, a bunch of doors will fly open for me.
   I have a problem I'm trying to fix: Stop searching for "the grass that's greener," because the grass I'm already in is just as green.
   I know things may get tiring or frustrating, and we want to be out in the world "right now," but we need to remember that there's someone watching out for us, making where we are exactly where we need to be.  It may not be today or tomorrow, but one day you and I will find our sweet-spot in the world, but we just need to be patient while we bloom.

I love you, little missy!

Cosette

Why Saturday, November 22nd Was A Crazy Day Or: How to Survive the Real World

So… yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster. Seriously. It was a little ridiculous. I was really happy all morning, and then while I was driving home listening to Tangled, something snapped and suddenly I was crying and I didn’t even know why. Anyway, my mom and I talked it out when I got home, and I think I figured out why it happened. And it’s not because I’m crazy. Well… maybe a little bit. But there are actually some legitimate reasons, too! :)

My sophomore year of high school, I felt really out of place. I was too afraid to talk to anyone I didn’t already know because I thought I wasn’t cool enough and they wouldn’t like me. I’ve always been really shy, and it makes people think I’m stuck up or antisocial or something- even though I always try to smile at people and be nice. Then I met this awesome girl named Cosette, and we were friends, and… you know the rest!

College is pretty much like the first year of high school was for me. Most of my good friends are at different colleges, or they’re still in high school. I get along with everyone- I’m pretty easy to get along with!- but I’m not super close with anyone. I’ve made a couple of friends in college, but it’s been kind of hard. And it’s even harder knowing that you’ve adjusted so well and made so many new friends already! Well duh, everyone loves you, because you’re you, and that’s awesome. Just don’t forget your sister Kate!

Being in Macbeth has been really eye-opening for me, though. It definitely taught me how to make friends- or rather, how NOT to make friends. Our cast is great, but a lot of them were already friends before we started rehearsing the show. They are mostly in their mid- to late-twenties, they’re not religious, and they all drink and swear and such. So basically, they are the kind of people that will exist in the real world outside of Utah. Kent, Maggie, and I didn’t really fit in, and they kind of treated us like the little kids of the cast. Kent’s solution was to pick up swearing. Pretty badly. So now I guess they take him more seriously (actually, I think they just laugh at him because he sounds ridiculous). Maggie decided that she would just stay in character (as a hooker-witch) all the time, act skanky, and flirt with the older guys. Everyone loves her and tells her how awesome and gorgeous she is all the time. No one even notices me. Sometimes I feel kind of sad… BUT. I haven’t compromised my values for this show. That is a victory. I don’t intend on compromising my values just to make people like me. Maybe I’m not best friends with everyone in the cast, but I don’t want people to be “friends” with me because I was skanky and I flirted with them. And the friends that I did make are the kind of people that I want to be around after the show ends, because they got to know me and respected my talent and work ethic. So. Don’t try to change your values to match those of your cast members. The ones that are worth getting to know will respect you for who you are. :)

Also… it seems like all of my friends have boyfriends now! Gah! I think that was also part of my freak out. I feel like I am being too picky and I should just settle for someone because no one awesome is going to actually like me back. BUT. Why go out with someone unless there is a point? And no, the point isn’t that you’re going to marry that person. The point is that going out with them makes you grow as a human being. In my opinion, the most important thing about liking someone is that they make you want to be a better person. And it should be a mutual feeling. No one I have met makes me think, “I admire/respect the way they are so kind/caring/responsible/whatever. I’m going to try to be as good of a person as them.” So. I guess I will just wait. Because I honestly don’t think I can like someone who’s not a good person- like, at their core, just an essentially GOOD human being. I don’t know. There is something wrong with me. But I think it will be worth it in the end.

So there are my epiphanies for yesterday. I just thought I would share because maybe there is a good point or two somewhere in that word vomit… haha. Just so ya know, today is going a lot better for me. My suitemate Kyrsten and I went on an awesome hike, and I think we’re going to be really good friends, so yay. And I saw Eli and Grace tonight, and they’re both going to come to the U next year, which is great because I love them. Other than that… I can’t wait to see you at Macbeth! Which opens this week! Woot!

Love you, miss you, all that jazz :)

-Kate

Dear Cosette.

Dear Cozie Bear,

Long time, no post! Well, the weeks are just a-flyin’ by here in U World, but the days are long and exhausting. I have been battling a little cold for the last few days and it is taking its toll on my body and brain. Hopefully the overdoses of vitamin C I have taken every day will give my immune system a leg up on this thing, but for now, I suppose I have to just suffer through it!

And I have been suffering. I told you about how awful my voice lesson was yesterday, right? It was awful. And my acting class is so frustrating right now. We aren’t doing any real acting, just those silent improv études. Which is fine, and educational, and I know it probably counts as real acting. But everyone else is so funny and so good at physicality, and you know those are the two things I can’t do. All the girls are just like you. They are skinny and gorgeous and they can be all cute and hilarious and make the audience laugh and then turn around and cry on command and make the audience cry. Just like you. (Except the part where you are an also an awesome human being and my best friend, of course!) Anyway, I am feeling super inadequate in both the singing and acting departments. It would be so easy to give up right now, but I refuse! Because I love theatre, I absolutely love it, and I know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing right now. Macbeth makes me feel a little better, although I am not doing incredible things at rehearsal right now either. But being there at least reminds me of why I love theatre, and reminds me that I don’t totally suck at everything.

My other classes are amazing, though, and my suitemates and I just had a really nice chat until midnight the other night. We are finally starting to bond, yay! Oh and my Zumba instructor came over to me specifically and told me that I did really well in class this morning. Which is exciting, because you know me and dancing… Haha. And tomorrow I get to go shopping with my mommy! I don’t really love shopping, but I love my mommy, so it’ll be fun.

Other than that… not much is going on in my life, I guess! I am about halfway done writing your Clair de Lune/Moon River medley, which will be gorgeous. And I have been writing some film score type stuff too, and practicing piano a lot. I’m learning some gorgeous Chopin and Rachmaninoff pieces, and some pop music on the side. My roommate even brought a duet and we’ve been playing it together! It’s easy to practice piano because my keyboard has headphones, but I really need to figure out a way to practice voice without bugging my suitemates, otherwise I’ll keep having terrible voice lessons! Gah! Well, hopefully I’ll figure something out soon. I also have to learn guitar for Macbeth, so I guess I will just have lots and lots of music in my life for a while… that’s fine with me!

I miss you so much!! Break a leg at all of your auditions- I love you and hopefully I’ll see you again soon!

Your sister forever,

Kate

P.S. I didn't have any new college pictures, but I drew some Harry Potter sketches, and since we went to the movie together, I figured I would show you :) they aren't very good and I have fixed them up some since I took the picture, but... oh well!

Dear Kate

Dearest Katrina,

All I can say is WOW! Time has just slipped out from under me! It feels like yesterday I was entering into my sophomore year.

Moving in was long and tedious, but I'm all done and all settled in now.  My roommates are wonderful and we all get along so well.

I brought everything with me.  On my desk I have my "College Fund" piggy bank we both signed after graduation, my wood from the our old stage, my theatre books, and my favorite posters from my room.  My whole apartment is so nice!  The brand new building I'm in smells a little like fresh, but it's very spacious and very comfortable!  My favorite element is that we're the first ones ever to live here so we don't have to worry about decades of germs left over. Bleh!

Classes start on Monday so I still have the rest of the week to get all comfortable and ready to go for school.  It's weird that I don't really know anyone here! I keep thinking I'm just at some summer camp and I'm going home in a few days.  It especially feels like a camp with all of the freshman activities I've been going to.  We had a party last night and I just danced my feet off; the next three days is our crazy and fun orientation!  Aside from the crazy amount of activities we get a I'm sure once classes start it'll all hit me.

Speaking of classes... You're first day sounded crazy!!!  I bet that was a hard way to start college, but now it'll all seem easier as you go. I'm so excited to hear about you're classes as you get into them more and more!  You need to tell me all about it!

The weirdest thing about being here is being on my own!  I keep waiting for my mom to call me down for chores or to run an errand for her, but I just hear nothing!  It's a strange experience being by myself.  I'm in charge of my own schedule, my own chores, my own...everything!  But I can say my mom taught me very well if I can hear her voice in my head telling me to pick a towel off the floor and make my bed.  So thank you mom!

Your bestest friend,

Cosette

P.S. Here are just a few pictures of my new home!

Dear Cozie.

Dearest darlingest Cosette,

Today was one of the worst days of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love college and I think it’s going to be a really awesome experience! … Just not today.

I had Honors Writing first thing in the morning, and it was AMAZING. The teacher is really engaging and it seems like the class will be absolutely incredible! I was so excited for that class. Which I now have to drop. Because my next class was supposed to be my Acting for ATP class… but it wasn’t. There had been a misprint in the class catalog when I registered, so the class I tried to go to was actually Acting for MTP. The Acting for ATP class is only offered at the same time as my Honors Writing class, and the Honors Writing class is required for the Honors Housing, which I am living in. And there is absolutely no way to schedule all of my required classes now without there being a conflict. So basically I can either drop out of the ATP or move out of Honors Housing.

…At least, that’s what I thought at around noon today, when I was walking back to my dorm in tears, frantically calling advisors and trying to find the professors’ offices so I could try to find a way to fix my schedule. Of course, no one was in their offices, so I left three notes asking them to call me when they got back. Then, the wrong person called me back. Twice. Both times they asked me what the problem was, said they couldn’t help me, and told me they would have the Honors advisor call me when she got in. SHE WAS THE PERSON I LEFT THE NUMBER FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. And she never called me. So tomorrow I have to go to the Honors Center at eight in the morning to try to figure this whole thing out.

Fortunately, I told one of my suitemates my dilemma. She is a bioengineering major and had the same problem with getting the Honors classes and the required classes for her major to both fit in her schedule. She said that she is only taking one of the Honors classes and they are still letting her live in the Honors dorms. So I’m not freaking out anymore. But it was almost five and a half hours of torture before I discovered this.

The good thing that came out of this crisis was that I got to know Kyrsten- the suitemate who’s a bioengineering major- a lot better. We talked for an hour and went and got dinner together. I like her and her roommate a lot! Also, I think instead of Honors Writing I can now take this class with the same teacher called Travel Writing, which sounds awesome and fulfills the Honors Writing requirement. Remember how I’ve always wanted to write articles for National Geographic? Yep, that class would be pretty much perfect for me. For the final project, the class gets to take a four-day-long river rafting trip! It doesn’t get much better than that.

Anyway, I still have to go talk to the Honors advisor and see if I can change my schedule around… so I’ll let you know how it all goes down! Tomorrow will be a much better day, I just know it.

I love you tons!! I’m excited to hear about your move-in tomorrow!!

Love,

Kate

Dear Cosette

So I have this best friend named Cosette. I met her three years ago, at the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. Since then, she has become one of the very best friends I have ever had the absolute joy of knowing. Okay, okay, fine- the best. We did everything together. Of the 600-odd photos of me on Facebook, 148 are with her. That’s just a little under 25%. In other words, in nearly a QUARTER of my pictures, she is with me. Another quarter of them are probably pictures she took. I think that’s a pretty good indication of how close we are.

This year, Cozie and I will be going to universities that are an hour and a half apart! I know, I know, it’s not that bad. But worse than the distance issue is the fact that they are RIVAL SCHOOLS! That’s right- I will be a Ute, while Cozie will be a Cougar.

Nope, not that kind of cougar.

Better.

Anyway, we will not be able to see each other every day anymore! So we decided to create this blog. By posting on the blog, we can send “postcards” to each other from our respective colleges and keep each other “posted” on what we are doing.

So, here goes:

Dearest darlingest Cosette,

Today I packed my whole life up into a bunch of boxes and crates, loaded it all into my mom’s old Subaru Forester, and drove it up to the University of Utah campus. I don’t really know how to explain what it felt like- you’ll know what I mean in a couple of days. It’s definitely not a bad feeling, but it’s strange and a little sad. Mostly, though, I’m just excited for this year and all the incredible things it has in store for the both of us!

My dorm is really nice and a lot roomier than I expected! I have already plastered it in dorky posters and covered my shelves with plays and novels. I think it will feel like home very soon. The only thing missing is my electric keyboard; my dad is going to help me move it on Saturday. I got my bed lofted, so I’m going to put it under my bed- it will not only be out of the way, but will also be near my computer, which will make it easier to compose!

Here's me with my roomie, Malynne:

The Wedding Singer records are on my wall! They remind me of you!

Besides all of the regular dorm supplies, I brought a few special things. On my bed, I have a little stuffed dog that looks like Chloe, who I will miss so much! The piece of the Hillcrest stage that we got at this year’s Productions Camp is sitting on my desk. And the copy of the Book of Mormon that you gave me for Christmas junior year- remember that?- it’s on my dresser next to my yearbooks. I know this sounds silly, but I had to sneak it in, because my mom was helping me move! I know she wouldn’t have been upset or anything, but she would probably have felt weird about it. Anyway, whenever things get rough, I know I can open it up and read the note you left me or one of the passages you marked, and I will feel better! It is definitely a comfort knowing that even when we are far apart, there are so many reminders of you all around me to help me through.

I know that all sounds a little cheesy, but in all seriousness, you are my best friend and the most amazing person I know. You are more talented than you even realize- you are a fantastic singer, and when you act you connect with people’s souls in a way that I can only dream of doing. More importantly, you are a compassionate and genuine human being. I am always happy when I am with you, and you guide me and inspire me every day! I am so incredibly grateful for your presence in my life and I know that you have changed my life for the better. You’ve covered our past adventures in your last post, so I will look to the future instead: I can’t wait to see all of the wonderful things you do this year, and to watch you learn and grow! College will be such an exciting and enlightening experience for both of us. I know that even when things get hard, if we face every challenge and do the best we can, everything will turn out alright. And I will be there to help you and cheer you on every step of the way!

So please- keep me posted!

I love ya, sister!

-Kate